It is everywhere. We see it when people try to be nice to each other and we experience it when someone tries to sell us something. It is flattery. If you’re like me, you may have grown up thinking of it as a good thing, which captured the gist of the saying, “Well, flattery will get you nowhere,” or was it “everywhere”? We may have jokingly commented on it, but subconsciously we saw it and knew it wasn’t right. The point is that we often don’t see the problem with that; we don’t see it for ‘what’ it really is.

Flattery (or in various ways obsequiousness) is negligible because it occurs to upset. This is “excessive self-interest praise.” Or put another way; is the act of giving excessive compliments, usually for the purpose of ingratiating themselves with the subject.[1] It generally connotes insincerity. It is a disappointment to get what the sycophant wants.

Dale Carnegie once said, “Flattery is telling the other person exactly what you think of yourself.” And the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates said: “Flattery is like friendship in appearance, but not in fruit.” It is hollow, false and harmful.

The opposite of flattery is communicating honestly, without fail. It is communication motivated only by real need, and praise is only given when warranted. I wouldn’t deliver eulogies for any other reason, and definitely not for personal gain. Being obsequious is not just the transmission of soft or sweet words; it is really the broad intent of selfishness and lack of character that drives it.

Vanity (a form of the deadly sin, pride) is the reason we fall into flattery, sometimes want believing the ‘excessive compliments’ we receive, unconsciously pretending that they are true. In these moments, the truth doesn’t matter so much, after all, lying makes us feel very good, and if a person can say it, well, it could be true enough for them to believe it too, then why not others? Do we see any negation here?

Vanity is a trap, pure and simple. Pride comes before destruction as the old proverb puts it. People who accept compliments when they are given show their soft spot for them and are the most susceptible to them in the future. The person who behaves foolishly enough to flatter will find vain people constantly clinging to them. Birds of the same plumage stick together, as the popular saying goes.

Flattery is deceitful and a prelude to deception. One of the most important Christian prophecies.[2] about the end times he mentions that ‘flattery will corrupt’ those who are corruptible. This is not a good place to be. Not falling into the trap but standing firm is wise.

We must be careful with false praise. There is probably more happening to you than you think. Take a moment to think about those who are trying to earn your esteem; wanting to get into your good books. If they are trying to you, be careful; be on your guard as they lie to get something from you or others that they can’t, or don’t bother to get, legitimately. Sweetness is a cover for someone’s true intent.

flattery (another word for that) is a favorite behavior of the ‘proverbial fool.’ They treat others how they want to be treated. They can’t think or speak the truth, so the best thing that comes out of their mouths is a ‘nice lie’. Pleasant lies, however, have the nature of being wrong and, in truth, are no more pleasant than a terrible lie.

What can we learn from people who flatter us? Or perhaps we recognize within ourselves the propensity for this type of behavior? The most likely places you might find yourself engaging in this behavior are at work or in social scenes where you might feel the need to brown-nose. No matter what your gut tells you, it’s never a good idea to engage in this behavior.

we have to be authentic Y sincere in our compliment behavior. We have to be specific, timely and fair.

© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved worldwide.

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flattery.

[2] See Daniel 11:32.