I personally know what it’s like to be addicted to something bad. When you are addicted to something good, like exercising or eating healthy, your life improves. But when that addiction is to something bad, like porn, alcohol, or lying, then your life becomes miserable. Those bad addictions do nothing to improve your life.
However, with any addiction, it is possible to free yourself FOREVER from those things that make your life more difficult. Someone who is addicted to alcohol cannot live. Their lives evolve around the bottle. The same with pornography (for both men and women): you will plan your day according to your addictions. The same goes for drinking soda – you’ll be broke because you love Dr. Pepper more than you should!
Before ending your addiction, you need to understand the following:
- You have a problem and it doesn’t matter why you have it (so blaming is no excuse!)
- Giving in to your whims is YOUR choice, you don’t have to.
- You have the power to say “Yes” or “No” to your addictions.
- Your problem is only temporary, if you let it
It takes about 21 days for someone to form or break a habit. In this case, we want to break a habit (or a bad addiction). And I’m sorry to say, but the best way to get rid of a bad habit is to stop smoking suddenly, that is, temporarily.
For 21 days, you will make the decision to simply not give in to your cravings. Whether it’s smoking (cigarettes or marijuana), sleeping with strangers every night, getting drunk, gambling, eating candy, or whatever is taking over your life, you simply have to quit for 21 days.
Now what about trying to “wean” off your bad habits? Well let me give you an example that MEN would probably understand:
Allen is a married man with children. You have a problem with pornography. And she likes ALL types of porn: hard porn, soft porn, 18+ porn, lesbian porn, you name it. Your mouth is watering at all of them.
One day, Allen gets tired of always giving in to his addictions. You are ruining your wishes for your wife. You can’t stop thinking about looking at naked women! Your desires are out of control! So, he thinks he would tone it down. I mean, you can’t just stop doing it all at once. That’s impossible!
So instead of looking at the hard stuff on the internet, you decide to look at the store catalogs that your wife receives on occasion. You will only see the section with the women in underwear. It is not a big thing. It is not porn. Many of these women are probably moms … hot moms … very hot moms.
Hmm, wondering if these horny moms have husbands who know what they’re doing. What if their husbands didn’t know?
Hmmm, what if there was a porn site about cheating wives …
And before you know it, get back on the computer looking for new cheating wife porn sites.
Switching to the “lighter versions” of the harder versions will not work, because you are still feeding your addictions. No, you may not drink five times a day, but you keep giving in to your addictions. Maybe you’re just drinking “Diet Coke” instead of the ones that contain sugar, but eventually, you’ll miss the “real stuff” and go back to using it.
If you are addicted to something, that means you have a soft spot for it. The best way to handle any weakness is to get rid of whatever you are weak at.
So, let’s go back to our friend Allen. You need to stop the porn period. He is a married man and does not need to covet other women. So, this is what you will do for 21 days:
- Stop looking at porn, period. Taking a look at something naughty, even if it isn’t “porn”, would fuel your addictions.
- He looks back when he sees other attractive women.
- Keep your eyes on another woman’s eyes if you are tempted to look at her breasts
- Don’t watch anything on TV that has women skimping on tight clothing
And for 21 days, this is what it WILL DO:
- He looks at his wife more often when she is naked.
- Have sex with your wife more often.
- Holding hands with your wife
- He thinks about bad things about his wife
- Slapping your wife or touching her more often
- Look at your wife’s treats more often.
The key here is to stop your bad COLD habits while forming a new habit in its place. By doing this, he:
- He starts lusting after his own wife
- Have little or no interest in other women.
- Get a closer relationship with your woman
- Get rid of your addiction
- Start living life again
Now, I use the example of pornography because it is a very hot topic. But this principle applies to EVERYTHING. The point is to stop everything you are doing that leads to your addictions and start doing the things that WILL STOP your addictions. When something starves, it dies. If a woman is addicted to romance novels and that prevents her from lusting after her own husband, she should let go of her addiction and start doing more to lust for her own man.
If someone is addicted to alcohol, that person needs to starve with that addiction and start replacing alcoholic beverages with drinks that do something good for the body, like, I don’t know, WATER!
If someone is addicted to a particular food, then that person must starve and start craving healthier foods.
It’s about starving your addiction and being aggressive about it. Addictions are not eliminated. Addictions are killed! You don’t want to take it easy. You want to hunt him down and kill him!
Hear! If you don’t know anything about weeds, then understand that if you don’t uproot them, they will grow back! As long as the roots of any plant are intact, you will see them again. Those roots are still active, waiting for the perfect season to sprout again overnight! You control weeds by pulling them out of the roots so they don’t grow back there. You control your addiction by taking it by the roots and killing it.
And you kill your addiction by stopping it in its tracks. But only temporarily.
Now why am I saying to hold him for 21 days? Well, even though you need to stop your PERIOD of addictions, that thought of “forever” could be overwhelming and you will revert to your old ways. But, if you could stop it for a brief moment, it gives you hope that maybe you can go back to your addictions again. However, when the 21 days are up, you won’t want to go back to your old ways. And anyone could stop doing anything for a brief moment.
When I tell you to just stop for 21 days, that gives you a goal to work towards and a plan to work with. During those 21 days, you will do your best to stay away from your addictions, so that when the 21 days are over, you will feel so liberated from your addictions that you won’t want to go back. Having a life free of addictions is better than a life in which you are chained. You don’t want to live life in chains now, do you?
But you might be thinking, “Easier said than done, man! You don’t know what I went through!”
Yes! All addictions work the same way: you feel a strong desire and you give up. Period. And what makes it an addiction is that you ALWAYS give in to these cravings, even to the point where you’re making adjustments to your schedule just to give in to these cravings. But what I’m telling you is if you take the attitude of “easier said than done”, guess what? You will NEVER lose your addiction. But if your attitude is that your addiction needs to “Quit”, then you WILL CONQUER your addiction. I don’t care what you are addicted to, all addictions work the same way. And you could kill those addictions in the same way: DEATH OF HUNGER.
No more nicotine patches? Don’t smoke “lighter cigarettes” or drink “hard stuff” less. DEATH OF HUNGER to your addiction. Attack him! Be aggressive! Act like you are fighting for your life. Because just weaning you gives temporary relief, but the roots are still there. If you pluck a weed from the stem without taking root, you simply don’t see the weed anymore. But as long as the roots are still in the ground, it WILL RETURN, and it might bring some friends too!
Go after those addictions hard! You don’t treat addictions like they are nothing. They are ruining their lives! Be aggressive with your addictions and you will get some aggressive results!
Aiyo A. Jones, MS
NCSF Certified Fitness Trainer