Watching “sitcoms” on television, I can’t help but notice that most plots revolve around the same theme: someone is afraid to tell the truth to someone else. We saw it in the years when Ross loved Rachel, Niles loved Daphne, or George hated Susan. We saw it in pretty much every episode of Three’s Company.

Why do we hide the truth from people? It’s usually for one of the following reasons (or a combination): we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, we’re afraid the other person will be angry with us, or we don’t want to feel ashamed.

What are the main consequences of not speaking up and telling the harsh truth? It keeps us trapped in unsatisfying situations like jobs, relationships, and other life circumstances. Here are some others:

~ Someone thinks you understand something that you don’t

~ Someone thinks you agree with something you haven’t done

~ Someone thinks you are going to do something and you are not

~ Someone thinks you did something and you didn’t

~ Someone does not know that you love him and you do

~ Someone thinks you love them and you don’t

~ Someone does not know what you are capable of

~ Someone believes that you are capable of something that you are not

How do you know when it’s time to tell the hard truth? From that first annoying feeling in the stomach that something in the situation is not right. Because there is no bad time to tell the hard truth.

5 ways telling the hard truth is good for your self-care:

1. You deepen your relationships. Social support is a very important element of self-care. When you assume that someone can bear to hear the harsh truth, it usually rises to your expectations. When you learn to speak the hard truth in a relationship, you can be yourself in that relationship.

2. You lose stress. Hiding the truth and / or living a lie is very stressful! Telling the hard truth is the antidote.

3. You feel better about yourself. When you’ve done something brave like telling someone the harsh truth, you’re sending yourself the message that you might be able to do OTHER difficult things.

4. You create evidence that your own thoughts make you suffer: Look at an experience in which you spoke the hard truth and see that it was the anticipation of telling it that generated your worry and stress. Things that had not happened and may never happen, things that you were creating in your own mind. And reality rarely lives up to our dreaded expectations.

5. You can learn from the hard truth. Has anyone ever told you a harsh truth? Use it as a way to deepen your relationship or to improve something about the situation or yourself. Thank the person and acknowledge their courage for speaking the harsh truth.

Who do you need to tell a harsh truth to? What harsh truths have you been avoiding telling yourself?

(c) Copyright 2005, Genuine Coaching Services.