As the story goes, once upon a time there was a farmer and his family. They lived and farmed in a huge and beautiful valley, right next to an equally huge and beautiful mountain range.

Each year, when the seasons reached late summer and early fall, the farmer and his sons began storing hay in their barns for the winter. Some years they stored just a little for the winter, some years they stored much more.

One year, they started storing hay earlier than ever. The farmer told his children that it was going to be a very long and cold winter. As each week began, the farmer would instruct his sons to store more and more hay.

And then, as they went further and further into the fall, the farmer and his sons doubled the amount of hay they stored in the barn.

The father said, “Sons, we have to store more hay than ever before. It’s going to be a winter like we’ve never seen.”

A son, who was a little tired of storing more and more hay, asked his father how he could know that it was going to be a tougher winter than ever. The father replied, “Son, you are old enough for me to tell you the secret of how I know how hard a winter will be. Every year, I look up at the big mountain where the Indians live. On the mountain, the Indians keep firewood for winter, some years in mild winters keep little, other years in particularly harsh winters keep much more.

So I know how cold winter is going to be by looking at how much wood the Indians store. Now that you know my secret, let’s get down to business, because the Indians just saved more firewood yesterday.

Another son, fed up with storing so much hay, took one of his younger brothers on a trip to the mountains to talk to the Indians.

When they arrived, they approached the chief of the tribe and asked him why he was saving so much wood this year. To which the boss replied:

“This is an old Indian custom. We always know how cold the winter will be by watching the farmer in the valley. The colder the winter, the more hay the farmer keeps!”

What is your contribution?

Both the Indian and the peasant simply reacted to each other, believing that each was the source of the need to prepare for winter.

And so it is in many of our relationships. Whether in friendship, marriage, family, or work environment, we are prone to blame others for the way we behave in the relationship.

The line goes something like this,

“If they would only do (blank), then I would stop (or start) doing (blank).”

So the question is, as in the story of the farmer-Indian, what is your contribution?

Do you do any of the following?

=> Waiting too long.

=> Wait very little.

=>Have a preconceived bias against the other person.

=> Misinterpret something they have said or done and then fail to verify their perception.

=> Wait/demand that the other person changes first.

=> Wait/demand your way.

=>Do the silent treatment or some other way to exclude the other person.

So what is to be done? Three steps:

1) Identify your contribution.

2) Take responsibility whether you like it or not.

3) Change your contribution.

Ready for the conclusion, folks? Change your contribution, and not only can you solve the problem, but you can also change and improve the relationship.