I recently heard from a very distraught wife whose husband had recently told her that he was no longer in love with her and that their marriage was “over.” Basically, he said something like, “I don’t want to hurt you, but it’s over between us. It’s over a long time ago and we tried our best, but our marriage is ending and there’s nothing either of us can do about it.” that. I’d like to part ways as friends, but we definitely have to part ways because there’s nothing between us anymore.”

This was the conversation the wife feared the most. She knew that things hadn’t been good in her marriage for quite some time. But she had no idea that her husband was going to tell her that it was completely over. She said, in part, “Well, I guess he’s telling me it’s over for him, but not for me. I still love him. I feel like if he gave our marriage a chance, we could come together.” together and make this work, but he was so practical that I don’t think there’s much I can do to change his mind.

Unfortunately, many women in this situation chose between two options. Or they allow their devastation to make them think that things are hopeless and that they should just give up, knowing that their lives will never be the same. Either they launch a big campaign to win him back or change his mind. The only problem is that they are often downgraded to the negative or overly dramatic to achieve this, which may well do more harm than good.

In my experience and opinion, neither of these two very common and understandable options are the best option. I think there is a better way and I will explain it in the next article.

Decide how to proceed when your husband says it’s over for him when you know it’s not over for you: The problem here (as you well know) is that you can’t control how another person feels. You don’t have access to his brain or his heart, so you can’t “make” him change his mind. But what you can do is try to change their perceptions and opinions.

Although this is complicated. That is why it is so important that you proceed and react very carefully right now. Because you’re not likely to change his perception of you and the relationship from negative to positive by acting desperate, stressing that you can’t live without him, and arguing that he’s wrong in his opinion that it’s over.

You can’t afford to seem out of control, desperate, weak, or unattractive right now. Instead, you’ll need to pull yourself together, maintain your self-esteem, and present yourself as someone who manages and is in control. Sure, he most likely knows that you’re very upset and don’t want to leave the marriage. But it’s also likely that he’s waiting (and preparing) for you to break down and desperately trying everything he can to change your mind. Hopefully, you’re not going to do this, but know that if you did, I probably wouldn’t perceive you as particularly attractive or desirable.

The questions to ask yourself when you want to convince him that the marriage is not over: It is important to ask yourself some questions at this time. You need to know what problem or perception stands in your way the most. In other words, what makes her husband think he’s finished? Because this is the perception you need to start changing.

However, when I say that you need to change it, I do not mean that you should do it by insisting or insisting on it. You don’t want to stress yourself out or draw too much attention to your problems. You want to quietly undermine them on your own with your own actions and behaviors so that he begins to wonder if maybe he was wrong or acted too quickly.

The other thing to ask yourself is what attributes or things attracted your husband to you when you started your relationship. You must call on these things right now because clearly they were once very powerful forces.

Make this strategy seem natural and not forced: I know I’m throwing a lot at you and there’s a lot to consider. However, despite this, any action you take should look and feel natural and genuine. If he thinks you’re acting out or just trying to manipulate him, then all of a sudden you have even more to overcome.

You want to move slowly and you want to set it up so you can be your true self in the most flattering of settings. Yes, you may have to have patience combined with strategy for this to seem to happen naturally. What you’re trying to do is give your husband natural, unforced glimpses of a woman he thought she no longer existed.

You want to surprise him and disarm him. You want to make him question what he thought he knew. He wants her to wonder if maybe his perceptions were wrong and his actions were too quick. This may not happen overnight and often it does not. But between the time he tells her it’s over and the time the divorce is final, it’s often weeks or months instead of mere days. He doesn’t rush and don’t let his feeling of pressure make him act or seem desperate, doubtful or clingy.

Perception is reality right now. If it’s not over for you, there’s nothing that says you can’t try to pull yourself together and focus on the positive. This might work to bring him back and give him another chance, and if not, it’s certainly better than giving up and despairing. In my opinion and experience, it is definitely worth a try.