Let’s be realistic. Dealing with a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store is never easy. Remember the last time your child had a tantrum. Was your stress level high? Did you feel powerless?

Most parents I talk to agree that these angry outbursts mostly happen when a child is told “NO.” So what’s a parent to do? I have found that adults respond with anger and guilt. Parents also struggle to deal with the voice of guilt that makes them feel like a “failure” and helpless.

Here are five brain-based tools my clients have used to stop tantrums fast!

1. emotional regulation-It is important for children to know that they are in control of their feelings and emotions. They must also understand that they have the power to make decisions about how they will respond to frustration, disappointments, etc.
2. Help the child know their triggers-Parenting always offers opportunities to teach your child at different levels. Many parents don’t realize the benefits of understanding how the brain affects behavior. Parents who can teach their children how to recognize their amygdala-based threats and respond appropriately will help their children reach a higher level of thinking and responding to threats.
3. Expected behavior of the model-Were you aware that children do what you do and not what you say? One of the best gifts parents can give their children is to be a positive role model. For example, if you want your child to treat others with respect, you must model the same behavior.
4. Connect with Felling’s-If a person feels stuck, they will do whatever it takes to get unstuck. In many cases, children lack the vocabulary to express how they feel. This makes it important for parents to help children put feelings into words. Parents may say things like “you seem very happy, you seem very disappointed, you seem excited, etc.” The goal is for parents to put words to the emotion that the child is expressing.
5. Teach healthy conflict resolution-The goal is for children to identify their emotions and learn to control how they express their emotions. Feelings are part of the human experience. Parents should let children know that they are entitled to their feelings. At the same time, they must control what they do to express those feelings. Specifically, when children experience conflict, they need options. Parents may say “yelling doesn’t work, there are two things you can do.” When children have a clear choice, they are better able to focus, calm down, and move on. Choices also allow the opportunity to teach personal responsibility.