Breakups… can really hurt. But when you get dumped and you still don’t know why the relationship really ended? The confusion can hurt even more.

Guys will do all kinds of things when they break up with you. Some of them will be cold and clinical. Others will try to be as sweet and understanding as possible. But if all the things your boyfriend can do during this very difficult time, not telling you the REAL reasons why he let you go is perhaps the biggest disservice.

He understands something: when a guy wants to end things, he goes looking for the easier way out. This is because he wants to leave the relationship with the least amount of conflict, and if he cares about you, he tries to gently disappoint you with the least amount of pain.

However, by doing this, guys will often make the mistake of being dishonest about why. Really I don’t want to date you anymore He is much more likely to tell you what you want to hear (or what he thinks you want to hear) rather than what actually caused him to lose interest in being with you as a boyfriend and girlfriend.

The REAL reasons why he broke up with you

First of all, don’t think that all guys cheat on purpose. Most of them don’t even realize that they are giving you bogus reasons or escape clauses to evade whatever it is they have built together. In an effort to keep things simple and uncomplicated, they will use the most convenient excuse to end things, instead of discussing the complex reasons that have soured the relationship from the beginning.

Also, some guys just don’t want you to argue. if they gave you the TRUE reasons to break up, you might actually start building an argument, or even offer to fix those issues so the two of you can stay together. This could give romance another shot, which is not what her boyfriend wants right now. Because right now, he’s hell-bent on ending things.

Honestly? Your boyfriend thought about breaking up with you long before you sat down and he did. In his head, he mentally prepared himself for all the arguments they might have for staying together. Look, he doesn’t want to have those arguments. Instead of having to defend his decision to break things up, his ex comes up with false or obscure reasons for leaving and substitutes them for her own. TRUE problems he has with you.

That being said, see if any of the following real problems does it sound familiar to you:

You were too controlling over him

One of the first reasons people will leave a relationship is when they feel pressured or controlled by their partner. This happens to both guys and girls, and it most likely happened to your now ex boyfriend.

Think about how much you actually monitored your boyfriend’s activities. Did you constantly ask him ‘where was he’ or did you make him account for his time? Have you always made your ex feel guilty for hanging out with friends? These types of behaviors are controlling and may have driven your boyfriend away.

you were always insecure

Understand that guys want a girl who is attractive, fun, cool, and happy. So when you always ask if you look good, if she likes you enough, or if you compare yourself to her ex-girlfriends? That’s a lot of very unattractive insecurity.

Listen, we’re all insecure. And that’s fine. But when you allow your insecurities to run wild, you will always start to doubt whether or not you are good enough for your boyfriend. And when you Do you think you are not good enough? Eventually, your boyfriend will too.

You exhibited too much jealousy

Jealousy is the most powerful emotion next to love. But unfortunately, it can also be the ugliest.

When one couple is jealous of the other, the relationship is ultimately doomed. Anything you do or say soon turns into an argument, and instead of working together in a relationship as a team, you become jealous of each other’s successes.

No one likes to look like “that” jealous girlfriend (or boyfriend). Jealous behaviors creep up on you little by little over time, until the behaviors that make them up somehow become the norm.

Did you check his phone the whole time? Ask her who she was with and if there were any girls there. Sometimes jealousy can be so bad that you feel it in the pit of your stomach every time your boyfriend even aspect to another girl, much less talk to them. And if you feel that way, imagine how your boyfriend feels, always looking over his shoulder or worrying that you’re angry.

In the end, breakups happen. But if you know exactly why did your ex break up with you? That is the first important step in reversing his decision, fixing the problem, and reconciling with him again.