In this article I’m going to look at how men handle emotions and the impact this has on their relationships. The popularity of the book by John Grays Men are from Mars, women are from Venus talks about the differences between the sexes when it comes to romance. While men and women approach love and relationships in different ways, I think these differences are exaggerated and that, in essence, men and women have the same needs and insecurities, we just interpret them differently. For this article I have drawn on the inspiring principles of relationship created by Chuck Spezzano Phd., founder of the Vision Psychology – an organization that specializes in helping people improve their relationships.

One of the most common complaints I hear from women about men during my work as a relationship coach is the way men are not in touch with your emotions. This can lead women to distraction because they tend to be more emotionally aware and expressive. Men generally prefer to solve problems using their thinking brain rather than their emotional brain. By understanding why this happens, women can help their men become more emotionally aware and dramatically improve the quality of their relationships.

Why men need to be the hero

Men strive to succeed in life and become heroes in any situation, be it at work or at home. We want to save people, fix people, and make things better. Many women fall for us when we act like this: we appear strong and control our emotions. The problem is that this show of force is often a way of avoiding our deepest negative feelings. Society educates us to be big, strong and powerful, but deep down many of us feel weak and lacking in confidence. We often try to act like heroes because we are afraid to show our weak and vulnerable side. The fact that we are men does not make us immune to the fears and insecurities that all human beings face. A sense of failure and inadequacy lurks in most people. Usually this is due to the breaking of ties in our original families which can easily end in feelings of guilt and shame for letting people down and not helping our parents and siblings. Instead of feeling this guilt and failure, most men will subdue their feelings and pretend they don’t have them!

Therefore, it is a real mistake to assume that men are emotionless. A recent survey of male moviegoers confirms that men feel their emotions just as much, if not more, than women when watching heartbreaking movies. Sneaky swallowing and battling back tears are often successful, but the next time you’re in a teary movie, watch for those hidden clues. I know from my experiences working with men and attending relationship workshops that once the tears start to flow, it’s like opening the floodgates. Big kids really do cry!

The sad thing about all of these heroic attempts to avoid our emotions is that they provoke the very feelings of failure that they are designed to avoid because they ultimately damage relationships. While in the early stages of romance, masculine stoicism is very attractive, it eventually becomes an Achilles heel. If we don’t feel and express our emotions, one of two things will happen. Either we will gradually move away from our partner and maybe immerse ourselves in our work (another place where we can become heroes) or something will come up that will force us to feel our feelings, often a crisis like divorce or a wake up call through a tragedy or disease. Relationships don’t fail because of what is said, they fail because of what is said not saying. When men choose to suppress their emotions, they jeopardize the most important relationships in their lives. So how can women help their men feel their emotions, and by doing so, improve the quality of their relationships?

Tips to turn your man into a true hero and improve your relationship

To form and maintain a strong relationship with a man, it’s important to understand that much of his behavior is designed to keep him from feeling and looking like a failure. Unfortunately, it’s highly unlikely that your man knows about any of this. His sense of failure is so well hidden that they will probably deny it strenuously or even angrily that it exists. This in itself is a protective mechanism to keep feelings hidden.

Therefore, you will need to slowly and gently encourage him to feel his feelings and become more emotionally aware; this is best accomplished by feeling his own emotions and becoming as authentic as he can. Men fall in love with women who behave like women! We love you for being tender, kind, empathetic, vulnerable, honest, and feminine. These are the natural characteristics of women and we cannot resist them because they touch on our own feminine aspects. Although many men find this threatening, it is a fact that we have masculine and feminine sides to our personalities. A woman can help her man to discover this more emotionally expressive part of himself.

The trick is to allow your man to be your hero. Not in the conventional macho way, but in an emotionally authentic way. The word courage is derived from the French word heartwhich means heart. True courage for a man is allowing himself to let go of his control and open his heart. Let him know that he finds you attractive and courageous when he is in touch with his emotions, when he can show them without attack or withdrawal. Make it okay for him to cry and for him to be supportive if that’s what he needs to release pent up emotions. He appreciates his openness and finds the courage to communicate his own fears and insecurities to him. Over time they will become more and more emotionally honest with each other and as their hearts open up, their love for each other will grow or be rekindled. This is a true aphrodisiac, so newfound honesty will enhance your bedroom fun!

Many of the problems we see in the world today are the result of men not allowing themselves to feel their emotions and let go of their fears. Emotional dissociation creates competition, power struggle, greed, and war. Women are already experts in the area of ​​emotional intelligence and have a crucial role in helping their men unearth and heal their fears. Only then will we become real men and begin to live the more emotionally authentic and fulfilling lives that we secretly yearn for.