I recently received correspondence from a wife who had been asking her husband for some time while he was acting like he was so miserable. At first, he told her that he was just stressed at work. But when the job situation improved and her husband was still depressed, the wife continued to ask if there was anything she could do to help. The husband blurted out that it was the wife and the marriage that made him so unhappy.

Honestly, the wife was not completely shocked and surprised. She had been getting these vibes from her husband for some time, but she hoped this wasn’t the case. Of course, the wife tried to dig a little deeper and get more details, but all the husband would really do was simply repeat that the wife’s behavior and her ruined marriage were making him very miserable.

The wife was understandably a bit offended and angry. It wasn’t fair that her husband blamed him for all the problems in her life. She suspected that they both knew that even if they divorced or separated, all of his husband’s problems weren’t going to magically disappear just because he was free of his and his wife’s marriage. But once she started to calm down a bit, she had to admit that she didn’t want to end her marriage. She loved her husband and her family was very important to her.

She wanted to know how she should respond to this and if there was anything she could do to make her husband happy again. She was saddened that he was so miserable and she felt a little guilty thinking that her actions or behavior were responsible for this. I will tell you what I told him in the following article.

You are probably right that your husband is wrong in blaming your unhappiness and misery on you and the marriage, but your perception is your reality: the wife was absolutely right that all the problems in her husband’s life were not because of her. . There is no way this is possible. And no, this was not fair. But although the husband’s perception was not rooted in reality, in his own mind, he was perfectly on target.

And the problem was, there was no quick way to change the husband’s mind. Sure, the wife could argue her points and debate with him until they were both sick of hearing each other talk, but all she would probably do is frustrate them both. Worse yet, the husband would likely view the wife as someone who just didn’t get him and didn’t really want him to be happy.

Making her husband see her as his adversary would probably only make things worse. She, therefore, would be better off if she accepted the fact that her husband’s problem and unhappiness were also hers. While she didn’t have to admit that any of this was her fault, she would put herself in a much better position if she tried to sympathize with her husband and convince him that she really wanted him to be happier. . .

Remember the things that made you happy and brought you closer: Husbands are sometimes not as perceptive as wives. While you can probably pinpoint what’s bothering you, sometimes men can’t. So when asked to define the source of their unhappiness, they will often point to the appropriate culprit. Often this will be the person closest to them. And unfortunately, this person is you.

This is often not a conscious thing that they are doing. They do not realize that they are projecting. But what they often do not verbalize is that they are disappointed and disillusioned in many areas of their lives. He’d be willing to bet that the common-law husband’s job was bothering him. There were probably other things that bothered him as well. But what disappointed him most was that he realized that his wife was no longer his rock or his shelter in the storm.

It is very likely that he missed the closeness and unspoken understanding that they used to share. He probably lost the priority he used to have in his wife’s life. Even the wife had to admit that since they had children, they both had less time for each other. And this was probably, at least a little, where her husband’s frustration and unhappiness lay.

I know this because I have many men who visit my blog and say the same thing. They feel selfish resenting the time they spend with their children, or in their spouse’s life, and in their obligations, but this is often part of the reality of the situation. Often, remembering the things that made you happy before life was so hectic and then it became what it is now will help you. Usually, if you try to make time for those little things, you will notice a difference in much of the unhappiness. Just watching you tick the time will often get his attention.

Environment Contributing to Happiness: While I didn’t buy for a second that this wife was the sole source of her husband’s unhappiness, it never hurts to take stock and see if something in her own attitude or behavior is contributing in any way . to the Situation Most people will always respond positively to other people who make them feel good or better about their situations or about themselves. If you can make him feel competent, attractive, smart, and fun, you probably have a very happy husband on your hands.

Yes, this sometimes requires you to turn your attention to him when he’s juggling too many things, but sometimes even the smallest efforts can make all the difference. And you will often be generously considered for this. Often you will receive exactly what you give.