Many people are clear about the fact that no matter what happens, they are committed to continuing to love their spouse. This, they think, is the meaning of unconditional love. You love someone even when they are not the loveliest and even when it is not always easy for you. After all, love is a lifelong commitment that we all know is not easy all the time. So many of us think we have the “love thing” down. But what about the “like”? What happens when our spouse acts in a way that makes them unpleasant? How should we react then? What if not liking us jeopardizes our marriage?

You might hear someone explain it this way: “When I met my husband, he was a kind and gentle soul. One thing that attracted my husband and I was the fact that we were both clear on the fact that we wanted to enjoy things. We both came from parents who are very wealthy and for whom money is everything. We both grew up feeling we weren’t good enough. We both felt we didn’t really fit in with our families. We both felt more comfortable eating out 1950s restaurant or family restaurant than the haute cuisine places my parents go. My husband and I wanted to get jobs that meant something to society. School principal. This career meant the world because I felt like I had found my soul mate. And when we had kids, we were so proud that we were going to raise our kids in a way that felt more authentic to us than upbringing. our own childhood. Well, last summer, my husband Anno Unced did not want to teach again in the fall. He said he was tired of working so many hours for little money while watching his friends and siblings work half hours for twice the money. He said that now that we have children, he realizes that money is more important to him than he thought. Now he works in finance and wears a suit and tie to work every day and measures his success in terms of money just like his father. As if this isn’t bad enough, I notice other aspects of her personality that have changed. You have less patience. He is quicker to respond to me in anger and is much more sarcastic. I don’t like his new personality. And if he were a colleague instead of my husband, I would not like his personality.

I don’t want to be friends with him. I would just avoid it. What happens now? This is difficult because I don’t want to divide my family. It is very important to me that my children grow up in a loving home with current parents. I don’t want to let go of that dream, but I’m not sure I want that dream with someone I don’t like very much. “

We all dislike our spouse, at least some of the time: I know this probably feels awful. And while this may not fully help you, I can say that this is not an uncommon situation. Very few people remain exactly the same throughout their entire lives. This means that most of us do not remain the same person throughout the course of marriages. Indeed, many of us are forced to change due to external circumstances that require us to respond. Honestly, these changes are often good. Those of us who go through financial difficulties learn to be grateful for the little things that we have. Those of us who go through illness learn to lean on our family and friends.

It could be argued that this husband was going through his own process of change. You were probably at a time in your life when you felt the weight of family responsibilities. It is easy to be idealistic and non-materialistic when we are young and have no one to support. But things change when you have children. Also, I think it’s different for a man. Because sometimes, even when both husband and wife work, it is still the social norm to think that it is the husband’s career that supports the family while the wife’s salary goes to “extras.”

Understand what you should and should not try to control: I do not agree with these social norms. But I’m telling you that this thought process exists and I think your husband may be responding to it. Therefore, I suggest that you do not judge him too harshly because he has become more realistic about money. I think most people would agree that it is unrealistic to think that you can or should want to choose or even participate in your spouse’s career. Your spouse is the one who has to go to work every day and actually get the job done. So if he’s happy and earning a living, then I don’t think his career choices are up to anyone but him.

Drawing the line when your new behaviors affect your marriage: If your career choices are causing behaviors that you are concerned about, it is within your right to mention it. The next time you notice that your husband is short or impatient, you can try something like, “Honey, I need to get you something and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way. Lately, I’ve noticed that you seem a bit irritable and distant. I have no idea. what could be causing it, but it seems to have started shortly after you started your new job. Is there anything bothering you that can help you? What to talk about anything, you know I’m always here for you and always want to help ” .

I have worded it this way because I believe that in order to get the results you want, you should always approach your spouse as if you want to help them rather than want to change them. It may or may not share some problems with you. But at least it will open an invite for both of you to see this topic. And you will be aware of it, which may mean that you make an effort to stop.

I don’t necessarily think this has to have serious negative consequences for your marriage, as long as you resolve it before it becomes a big problem. I also think it’s important to try to see your husband as the initial man that you fell in love with. Yes, he can look different in that suit and tie. But I bet that same idealistic young man is still there somewhere. You just feel responsible for your family. And that’s not always bad.