Have you ever come across a new word that sounds so good that you wonder why you haven’t heard of it before? I have found a new word of complaint. SQUEEZE! Coined by Therese Rando, it makes a lot of sense and sounds a bit more upbeat than Grief Triggers. I have been STUDIED! (Subsequent, Temporary, Increased Complaints)

STUGS certainly aren’t much fun when they happen.

There are the STUGS, which we look forward to, the days of anniversaries, birthdays and family celebrations.

Then there are those that come like a bolt from the blue. Those intense flare-ups that take you completely by surprise. They ambush you out of nowhere, causing a rising bubble of hurt emotions.

They can occur at any time and sometimes many years later. They are very common, very normal and are part of the grieving process.

While they can often catch you off guard, you can sometimes ‘guard’ yourself a bit.

– If you think a TV show is going to goad you, watch something else or limit your time watching the news. If you are concerned about attending an event that has meaning to your loved one, seek help. Take a friend with you and put tissues in your bag.

– If you read something that stabs you in the heart, let the tears flow. As the tears flow, she knows that another bit of pain is flowing out into the world. You have been touched by love.

– I really want to see Rabbit Hole. I know it will sting me big time. Therefore, I have to prepare myself. I have to choose the right moment to see it. I have to accept that I will certainly cry. I have to decide if it’s worth it? Is my desire to discover something more, greater than my fear of my reactions and emotions? Its my choice

– The music is very emotional and can take us back in time. There may be times when you want to listen and remember and times when you don’t. It will also depend on your mood. Do what feels right to you.

Know that each time these things happen, you are learning more about your complaint. You are gaining an understanding of your own internal and external triggers. You are learning the art of self-protection. You are processing emotions. At every step along the way, you are acknowledging and accepting more of what is occurring, and in doing so, you allow healing to flow into the wounded spaces.

For me the wrong will never be my friend. I consider him a business partner that I don’t particularly like but with whom I have to find ways to work. I have and I am you will too.