Have you ever wondered why all the good men are taken? Have you ever met a married man who is so beautiful that you can’t help but be envious of his wife? You’re not alone. The other day, I was traveling to Los Angeles and met the most charming married man at the airport. I left the airport thinking that his wife was a lucky woman.

Fantasies are healthy. They allow us to get in touch with our sexual desires and make us feel more alive. Face it: if you don’t have some daydreams and fantasies, you’re taking yourself too seriously. Fantasies are healthier and more enjoyable when they exist in our minds, because we don’t have to deal with the consequences. As long as it’s just fantasy, we don’t have to deal with indigestion after eating that forbidden fruit.

The problem only arises when a woman, so consumed by her desires, tries to make that fantasy come true. It is human nature that we want the unattainable. Something very tempting in having an affair with a handsome and unavailable man. When that married man consciously flirts with us and makes fun of us, he just stokes the fire.

In my experience as a relationship counselor, I have spoken with many single women who want advice on how to deal with the painful aftermath of having affairs. It turns out that the forbidden fruit not only gives you indigestion, it also inflicts deep emotional pain that can take a long time to heal. While physical encounters are always fun and exciting, many single women inevitably fell in love with married men. The problem is that these men are not as emotionally committed as the women.

For women who are tempted to make that fantasy come true, or who are already living it, the following ideas can help clear up a few things.

• The feeling of love can be just an illusion. We desire the unattainable. The love you feel for a married man may just be a reflection of the desire to possess something that you can never have. In fact, many of my clients have confessed that it is the biggest upset when men want to leave their wives to be with them.
• When you only meet the man through physical encounters, you only get a glimpse of him as a person. You may start to wonder how he is with his wife, how he plays with his children, how he spends time when he is not with you. Eventually, you start projecting your image of the perfect match onto him. Take some time to wonder if you are idealizing this married man and making him more perfect than he really is.
• Know that there will be consequences. A damaged reputation, harsh judgments from colleagues and friends are just some of the consequences you must face when the affair is known. Social acceptance is important to our psychological well-being. Be aware of the high price you may have to pay for living out your fantasy!
• Thinking that you can handle a purely physical relationship is dangerous. Many single women initially go on adventures with the confidence that they can handle a purely physical relationship. As modern women, they believe that they do not need a partner to take care of their emotional needs. Over time, they realize that a physical relationship without emotional foundation is very unsatisfactory. They gradually become emotionally involved and become infatuated or in love with the married man. When the man uses the woman as a purely sexual object, no matter how emotionally strong the woman is, she will feel dissatisfied.