>1. Who are the main candidates to rekindle a romance?
The most successful reignited romances were those of long-lost lovers who were 17 or older.
younger at the time of the initial romance – first love – and had separated for
situational reasons, such as “parents disapproved”, “moved”. “he went to college”
etc It didn’t matter how old the couples were: whether they were 18 or 95, the romance worked
the second time. In fact, the older they were for the meeting, the better their
chance of success.
>2. Is Lost & Found Love successful the second time around?
Yeah! In my sample of 2,000 people around the world, ages 18-95, 72% of them reported
that they are “still together” with their lost and found lover. And these were not only
“good” romances; these were wildly sexual, soulmate encounters. Absence really does
grow the heart found!
>3. What if the couples had been “first love”?
First loves had the highest rate of “staying together”: 78% are happily reunited and
remain happily in love throughout their many years of marriage.
>4. Are rekindled romances more intense than other loves?
Yes. I asked participants to rate the emotional involvement of the revivers
romance, compared to all their other loves in the past, and 71% of them said that
this was their most intense romance of all. In addition, 61% of the participants said
that the reignited romance began faster than any other romance in the past, and
that sexual participation was the BEST (63%).
>5. Why does rekindled love last?
The couples grew up together, spent their formative years together, and many
of first loves reported that the lost love became “the standard” for all their other
Romance. They knew each other well: they attended classes together, they knew each other
family and friends of others, roots and shared values. It is these similarities that
form the bond strength. These romances are, deep down, friendships like
as well as romances.
>6. Isn’t there some research to suggest that this love might have a biological origin?
component?
Yes. Remember that expression used for teenagers, “swinging hormones”? When
adolescents fall in love for the first time, hormones such as oxytocin and vasopressin are
released when the bride and groom are sexually aroused. These chemicals form
emotional memories in the brain, stored in an area called the amygdala. when the
Lost lovers are reunited, those memories are released by the familiar sight, smell,
touch, sound of long lost lover. The feelings are comforting and familiar and
also very sexually exciting!
>7. Why should this book be a “must read” for parents of teens?
The most common reason these romances broke up the first time was “parents
disapproved.” Not only disapproved, many of these couples were forcibly
separated by parents, with threats to their children, or manipulations such as
hiding letters from the girlfriend. When these couples met, they were very
bitter and angry at their parents (dead or alive) for costing them many years when
they could have been happy together. Many lost their childbearing years
for this break. And why did the parents react that way? They just “don’t
like the person” her son was dating.
I checked to see how these couples were doing for the second time; that is, if the parents broke up
to separate them, were the parents “right” and separated a second time? half of
time, they parted again, and half the time they were happily together. AND
there is no way to predict, there is no way for parents to know what is right for their children.
It should make parents think twice before breaking up first loves.
>8. What can teens learn from this book?
I hear from many teenagers, men and women, who are heartbroken because
their first loves just “dumped” them. Some say they are suicidal. From my research,
we learn that these are true loves, important loves, that should not be underestimated. AND
teens should take comfort in the fact that the breakup may not be forever. The first
love could come back one day Don’t sit back and wait for that, but keep it in
the bottom of your heart as hope for the future.
>9. Instead of reconnecting with a lost love, how about finding a long lost friend?
It’s really the same. In fact, many of my partners weren’t really in romances at all.
first time. They were just friends, sometimes very young friends, like 8 or 9 years old.
old The shared roots are the important part; old friends make us feel comfortable
And we can talk about the old days. It is very healing to meet again.
>10. Is there anyone who should avoid looking for a Lost Love?
Yes. If one or both partners are married to someone else. do not go
there! Don’t even look at the person to greet them. Even good marriages were established
danger for lost loves. People just didn’t realize that feelings come back
Very strong.
And if the person was abusive in any way the first time, forget about a meeting.
Personalities don’t change. The couples in my study who succeeded with a happy
the meeting had been separated by situations the first time; They did NOT review the
“we didn’t get along” box.
>11. What is your first piece of advice for anyone considering finding a lost item?
love?
They are very intense romances. Before beginning any dialogue with a lost love, ask
himself if he could handle what happened – a rejection, a romance, another
break up with that person. If the answer to any of these is “no”, it is better not to try it.
But if you’re single, divorced, or widowed, it might be the best you can do.
Happened to you.
copyright © 2005 by Nancy Kalish, Ph.D.
all rights reserved
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